Wedding Registeries

So, I have this wedding coming up. And they have a registry. I KNOW they are typical, and everyone has one. They are the polite thing to do even, so people don't have to think about what to get you. But cooooooooooome on.

I love the couple to be wed, very much. I think they are great and smart and pretty.

But $150 for a crystal butter dish? Nopes. Never. Not going to happen.

I want to get them this spatula ($10) and engrave it and say "Boyfriend and Karen Hamenberry got you this for your motherfucking wedding." So they can never throw it out.

I keep looking for the joke, and I guess the joke is a crystal bird thing for $190. But that joke is on me.

And it really just may be me. I am not very mature, and I ruin things. I am currently folding my shirt oddly because I spilled Indian Buffet sauce all over it. I can't imagine having expensive things in my one-bedroom-apartment. And I certainly can't ask my friends to buy me that shit, because in my circle, I am put together.

Again, endless amount of love, and I guess respect for two people I adore. And who are announcing there coming into adulthood, with I kid you not, $225 ice bucket AND tongs.