Tuesday, December 16, 2008

How Tostitos and I Broke-up

***WARNING*** This post is not for the faint of stomach. I am being for realsy here, you may not want to read this (which knowing you makes you want to read it more), but I am warning you it gets gross.

As you may or may not know I have been having a very intense love affair with Tostitos. It started casually enough in college, a handful here and there. But in recent months, it has become much more intense. I needed a bag every Saturday and Sunday. Something about their salt, their crisp.... I shouldn't go on.

And this past Saturday was no different. I woke up and immediately, happily even, ate half a bag, two-thirds of a bag of Tostitos. However, the events that followed would change everything.

Around 6 pm may stomach became tight, and clenched. I had a show in two hours, and then another show an hour and a half after that, and then ANOTHER show an hour and a half after that. I thought it was nerves combined with a slight hang over.

At about 6:30 pm I announced to Boyfriend, and genius comedian David Angelo that maybe I should just make myself throw up. They both thought that was a poor idea. But as I stood up, I realized there was no reason to make myself throw up, as I was going to do it already.

Some pretty violent vomiting ensued.

I changed clothes and got ready to go to the theater. We all agreed that it was a one-off. But on my way to the theater I didn't think I was feeling better. And then pretty much as soon as I got there. More violent vomiting took place. I apologized to the woman sitting outside the bathrooms. Who later claimed to have heard nothing.

Anyways, I had to skedaddle home and proceed to lay on my couch for 12 hours throwing about about every 45 minutes.

But where do the Tostitos come in? Well, while I am not about to contend that it was the corn tortilla chips that made me sick during the process of being sick I could taste that very distinct Tostito flavor.

And so it is with much sadness that I have to report that my love affair with Tostiots is on a long to permanent hiatus.

Did I mention the loose poop train that came to down about 3 am? Because that was an adorable topper to the whole situation.
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Anonymous Josephine said...

I won’t tolerate any negativity toward Tostitos as a chip or brand. My friend recently purchased Tostitos Creamy Salsa. Now it looks horrid. And I have never been sure if I should trust something that calls itself creamy that doesn’t have to be refrigerated. BUT, like any other Tostitos experience I ate more than the suggested amount and I didn’t regret it. The long and the short of it is, I hope you come back to us soon. We’ll be waiting for you with a family sized bag of Scoops.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Karen Lange said...

The Loose Poop express is the only train that never takes on passengers. It only hurries them off.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Aparna said...

Lime flavored Tostitos remain near and dear to my heart, but they are regretful of the experience you had with their cousins, who as they would offer to comment, are hit-or-miss.

5:53 PM  

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