Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ask Boyfriend

I have an ask Boyfriend question. I have a cold and I do not want it. How should I get rid of it. Rule out orange juice and tea because I don't like those things.

Thank you,

Snotnose


Dear Snotnose,

While I could launch into an exposé of time honored, mystic traditions, dating back to Shang dynasty era China, involving ravenous consumption of near-extinct species, I would rather examine your situation in the context of a Snotnose preferential hierarchy. So, rather than prescribing a steady dose of intravenous South Chinese tiger testicles, I would recommend that you ask yourself the following question. Do you prefer being afflicted with the common cold and endlessly searching for a proverbial silver bullet or consumption of easily accessible, well-founded remedies that are somewhat unpalatable to your bizarre tastes? Honestly, who doesn't really like orange juice and tea?

Boyfriend.

--Followup Question--

Dear Mr. Boyfriend,
I am deathly allergic to orange juice, tea, carbonated beverages of any kind, alcoholic beverages of any kind, water and air. The only thing I can reasonably drink is motor oil. Will this help my cold?

Waiting,
immediate response


Dear Immediate Response,

Motor oil will certainly not help your cold, although when you are at the point that you are allergic to basic necessities for human existence I would hazard a guess that you have more serious concerns than a case of the sniffles.
Thank you,

Boyfriend
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