Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Ask Boyfriend!

Dear Boyfriend,

How long should I wait to kiss a boy so Karin doesn't call me a whore?

Newly Single

Dear Newly Single,

In light of your question, I suspect it is somewhat disingenuous of you to so casually direct a string of amorous signifiers at someone who's very appellation speaks to romantic inaccessibility due to prior commitments. Speaking of X's and O's, I find it hard to believe that Karin would call a friend a whore in any situation except one where the term was explicitly accurate (pun intended Punner, pun intended), i.e. one where said friend was literally exchanging sexual interaction for money. With that cleared up, your question becomes: what is the time span required to wait before becoming intimate with a stranger lest your compatriots deem the interaction unseemly? The answer is how much you desire someone relative to the value you place on what your friends believe of you also taking into account how long you were with your previous significant other. I have developed an equation to deal with this:


This may seem complicated, so let's put into practice.

Say you place a person at a 7 on the Please Have Sex with Me Scale (PHSMS, 1-10, 10 being highest), and you rate your Consciousness of Image as Jezebel with Friends and Family Index at a modest 5 (CIJFFI, 1-10, 10 being least concerned). Given that you had been with your previous lover for let's say 3 years (Years of Relationship, YR, positive integer), the equation to determine the Amount of Weeks Before Appropriateness would be:
 7 ÷ 5 x 3 which equals 4.2 AWBA or 29.4 Days Before Appropriateness.

Thank you,
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Boyfriend,

How do you carve a pumpkin?

New to holidays

10:52 AM  

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