Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hold Up

So, I was singing Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer to myself this morning as I was getting dressed. And that whole scenario is bullshit. The facts

- everyone hates Rudolph, they say mean shit about him all the time. that's really horrible, like in reality, that's awful. AND I QUOTE:
"All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
play in any reindeer games

(Like Monopoly!)"- Last part optional

- Santa realizes that Rudolph, the mutant, can help him do his job better:
"Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say:
'Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
'"

- And what happens next? The very reindeers that made fun of him and held him down, now all of a sudden love him:
"Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!

(Like Geogre Washington!)"-optional.

What sycophants!

Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach. These asshole reindeer think they are all so great because Santa has them drag around a really heavy sled? And what gives them the right to be so mean? And all of a sudden they "love" Rudolph. Please. Bitches are superficial.

And I have been singing it for years. I feel like I have perpetuated an awful stereotype against red-nosed people.

Red-nosed people, reindeer, and others,
I am so sorry. I didn't realize how hurtful this song was. I was just like those awful bastardly reindeer. The song was so catchy, and sung with such cheer that I must have missed it's cruel message all those years. I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

P.S. You know what the worst part is? Rudolph just becomes their mascot. He buys into their false love, and he guides that sleigh. Rudolph, I don't know how you sleep at night.
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1 Comments:

Blogger Daniel said...

Dasher, Blixen, and friends were really mean. If I acted the way they did, I would expect to get the proverbial lump of coal rather than presents. What were they doing being the ones delivering ME presents? But my greater unease came from the fact that if they needed a red-nosed reindeer to guide them through the snowy night, they were unmistakably a pretty low-tech operation. This troubled me when I was a child and asking for electronics for Christmas.

10:43 AM  

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