Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Friendship Corp

so my friends and i have created this fake corporation called friendship corp. and when one of us has a dumb excuse as to why they can't hang out, someone summons friendship corp and one of us intervenes and gives a punishment to the party pooper. this is the first friendship corp email ever:

Dear Andrew Marder,
We do not greet you this evening under jovial circumstances. We are not pleased with your performance as a friend this week. Since this complaint has not come up before we are willing to give you another chance. Although we do feel it is neccessary to make you aware of the proverbial thin ice you are proverbially skating on. The complaints lodged against you are as follows:
1. You refused to play squash with Greggles on Wednesday May 24th.
2. You refused to watch hockey with Asa on Thursday May 25th.
3. You swore at Biz in response to her sweetly worded email, on Friday May 26th.
4. AND you pooped out on the baseball game on Friday May 26th.
As you can see the greivances leveled against you are numerous and violate many different aspects of the responsibilities of being a friend. Now you can make all this up to us by attending the Nationals game tomorrow at 1 pm. You must come with an attitude adjustment as well as a willingness to chest-bump (a gameface would not go amiss).

Karin and Asa
Senior Friends at Friendship Corp.

And there were appeals and all sorts of different levels of litigation over the incident . Friendship Corp is really some sort of outside judges that step in when a situation between friends is going awry. asa today though stepped it up to a new level by creating a Friendship Corp email. this is his email today:

To whom it may concern:
We at the appellate division of the Friendship Corp. would like to make it known that a one Mr. Andrew Marder's appeal has been denied and the original verdict and sentence upheld. Furthermore it is in his best interest to rectify his erroneous friendship approach and gravely consider his future friendly actions. If Mr. Marder persists in this downward friendly trajectory we here at Friendship Corp.'s legal division will be forced to remove him completely from the friend pool.
Thanks and best regards,
Friend McFrienderson
Senior Appellate Judge
Friendship Corp

I suggest that all friends write to Friendship Corp if there has been a friend of yours that is particularly difficult. Heres the address: Appellate Judge ajudgefcorp@gmail.com seriously let him know what a douche your friend is being and he will dole out a just punishment. our usually entail the purchase of liquor.
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