Bumpy Roads Ahead For Rolly Suitcases

Washington, DC- Literally. As more and more travellers use rolly suitcases it seems that town councilmen are turning a cold shoulder to the shoulder relieving luggage. The nation's capital has tried to keep up its quiantness by using cobblestone and brick as sidewalks instead of smooth pavement. While the asethic look can be descired as "more than pleasing," the utilitarian purpose is said to be "super annoying." One street walker is quoted as saying, "I stub my toe constantly. I actually have to look where I am going. It's ridiculous." When the traveler was asked if she has ever tried to use a rolly suitcase on the sidewalks she replied with, "I am a hooker, why would I use a rolly suitcase? And isn't called a 'rolling' suitcase, not 'rolly.'" Our reporter could not be reached for comment.
Anyways, it seems that travelers are having a harder and harder time using their technologically advanced luggage. Karin Hammerberg was quoted as saying, "They were re-doing some streets by my house. I was super excited because I had my cousins wedding coming up and I knew that I would be using my rolly suitcase. But instead of putting in regular concrete they put in cobblestone! It was terrible, my bag was tilting from side to side. I almost sprained my wrist." It seems that while brick and cobblestone is harder to keep clean, and serves no funcation purpose the city continues to spend extra money to put it in. Is this some sort of message to travelers with rolly suitcases? Or perhaps an even larger conspiracy to destroy rolly suitcase companies? When asked to comment on the theory Ms. Hammerberg said, "That's kinda stupid. Don't the same people who make rolly suitcases also make regular suitcases? I have to get back to work." So, the use of cobblestone and bricks over regular sidewalks will remain a mystery, continuing to "almost sprian" the wrists of travelers.