presents

Usually I am all "the more presents for me the better, give give give. this doesn't look that expensive, can you say re-gift?" but lately at the office I received TOO MANY presents. Now, some like little chocolate bottles filled with vodka are cool, and wine=cool. But now I am starting to get hand lotion and stickers. And while the thought is beautiful. I really really super do not need this crap in my house. I compulsively complusive shop. I buy whatever is in the aisle on the way to the register. I already own enough key chains, mini flashlights, hair things, batteries, gum. I don't need you to do this. Seriously, office people, no more crap.

And of course I feel obliged to get something for everyone else, and that's a really shitty feeling to have. I think I am going to bake brownies no one will eat because everyone is trying to excersize self control. But the last time I tried to bake brownies they turned into bricks with a high trans fat count.

It would be funny just to bring in lard and butter, and be like "i'm just cutting to the point." Just a huge tub of lard and put it on the community table, next to chocolate covered everythings. And maybe an ice cream scoop.

Offices are boring places.