Tuesday, December 19, 2006

presents

Usually I am all "the more presents for me the better, give give give. this doesn't look that expensive, can you say re-gift?" but lately at the office I received TOO MANY presents. Now, some like little chocolate bottles filled with vodka are cool, and wine=cool. But now I am starting to get hand lotion and stickers. And while the thought is beautiful. I really really super do not need this crap in my house. I compulsively complusive shop. I buy whatever is in the aisle on the way to the register. I already own enough key chains, mini flashlights, hair things, batteries, gum. I don't need you to do this. Seriously, office people, no more crap.

And of course I feel obliged to get something for everyone else, and that's a really shitty feeling to have. I think I am going to bake brownies no one will eat because everyone is trying to excersize self control. But the last time I tried to bake brownies they turned into bricks with a high trans fat count.

It would be funny just to bring in lard and butter, and be like "i'm just cutting to the point." Just a huge tub of lard and put it on the community table, next to chocolate covered everythings. And maybe an ice cream scoop.

Offices are boring places.
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1 Comments:

Anonymous Daniel said...

My building is having its holiday party this afternoon. So I went down there with my office buddy Kate and we were happily chowing down on brownies and cakes and stuff. Then the incredibly fat woman (like +350 lbs) from across the hall came down to have a cigarette and saw the food. She lunged at it with greed in her eyes, Newport light forgotten. Kate and I screamed and ran away. As we took the elevator back up to our office Kate turned me: "Whoa, that was a close one. I've gotta eat some vegetables now."

1:29 PM  

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