Thursday, March 08, 2007

My Sweet 16 Overview

Heres the breakdown of this amazing show:
(Now sometimes there are boys turning 16, and let's be honest everyone is stupid so it really isn't gender specific and they bitch and moan as much as the girls. So for the sake of the breakdown I will be using the female tenses.)

OPEN
- girl saying something equally bitchy and retarded, in the best cases it's directed at her mom, but usually it's a sweeping, broad statement like "Everyone wishes they were me."
- if you are super lucky the girl will be chubby, this makes the show 100% better for me because the show is based on the insecurities of 16 year olds, but the chubbiness makes it all the more obvious
- then the girl brags about how her sweet sixteen will be the best sweet sixteen EVER. someone has to be lying, they can't all have the best sweet sixteens ever.
- then it's an overview of the girl's life. it shows her brow beaten parents giving into her every whim and manipulation while the girl's ego explodes all over your tv set leaving a pink and shiny goo.

INVITATIONS
- the girl decides who should get invited with her other friends, because god forbid she decide anything on her own. Because even though everyone wants to be her she stills needs her friends approval before finalizing the guest list. OH! And they usually go through the year book to pick people, this is an instance of everyone just copying the shows they saw prior to the taping of their episode.
- if you are lucky you will get to see the girls point to someone in their yearbook and laugh at them. and then coo over someone they all agree is "cute" and the 'love" them. there are never any disagreements in this part. But you are usually reminded by the birthday girl that it is infact "her party and she will do want shes wants."
- then the invitations are delivered in some moronic fashion. the best is when a megaphone is involved telling people they aren't invited/they have to bring presents. it's a beautiful moment.

PLANNING THE PARTY
- i don't know... there is usually a lot of crying and screaming "daddy"
- they all have a theme and multiple dress changes
- OH AND A TALENT! that's the very best fucking part. everyone does a dance or sings a song. and they usually have ZERO intentions of practicing, which pays off for the viewer later on.
- more crying and saying "its my party, wah wah"

THE PARTY
- they have an entrance where boys are shirtless which they have picked earlier, in some of the most embarassing moments I have ever seen on TV.
- the chubby ones are STUFFED into their party dresses and they have so much make-up on they look 45
- girl changes outfit so many times she misses most the party
- musical performer comes out, sometimes its cool, most of the time its a nobody and the girl cries
- girl does "talent" everyone lies to her and tells her she did sooooo good
- parents looking adoringly as girl hoochy dances with everyone, father tears as girl's dresses get sluttier and sluttier throughout the night
- parents get drunk and wish they never had kids or wish they knew how to say "no"
- girl gets car and shreaks and cries
- she half heartedly thanks her parents because her true interest is making sure everyone at school is jealous of her
- everyone at school is jealous of her
- someone else drives off the car because girl failed drivers lisence test.

END
- parent says they cashed out their 401k for the party and is now deeply in debt
- girl couldn't give a shit because she wants something new now like an island or lil' bow wow made into a bedside table

Moral: be a brat and if you are ugly and chubby make other people feel bad to make yourself feel better

Yeah, so maybe I watch too much TV, but you read too much blogs.

P.S. I was going to put a picture on, but I got super depressed and had to stop.
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