Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Ask Boyfriend

Dear Boyfriend,

When is the appropriate time to let your parents know about a new boyfriend/girlfriend in the relationship?

Gossip Girl

Dear Gossip Girl,

Unfortunately the answer to this question is influenced by a number of factors that I can't easily discern from an anonymous internet comment, such as economic class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, parental sanity level, weather, homeopathic tendencies, pets, and cereal preference. That being said, your question is "When is the appropriate time..." which is essentially asking for a temporal estimate as to when your parents will be least likely to disapprove of your relationship. My simple answer to that is you should do so when they are most busy and least emotionally distraught. For working parents this would be at 3:28PM on a Thursday, when they most likely have a fair amount of work to finish before the weekend but are in that blissful state that is only achievable towards the end of the week when there is a leisure day in sight. For the retired parents out there, let them know via email at 7:39AM on a Saturday, coincidentally when they are tooling around a Sicilian harbor in a hired dinghy, trust me, at this point they haven't given less of a shit about you since before you were born. For those with a parent/parents who have recently been laid off the aforementioned busy/distraught strategy isn't viable as they are never busy and always distraught, so just wait until 11AM on a Sunday when they've sunken into that drunken stupor of melancholy and self-recrimination, and they will tear up just thinking about how, really, anyone out there can really find happiness and (hiccough...) self-worth doesn't have to come from gainful employment, so you go out there an you love, please, do it for your old man, please, at which point they've fallen asleep and won't remember a thing.

Thank you,
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