Wednesday, July 25, 2007

A Dramatic Monologue

Hey, hey you. How are you? There's something I wanted to talk to you about real quick.
You aren't going to leave me, are you?
Everyone is leaving me. I don't know what I did wrong. Sacha is leaving, Daniel is leaving, Jeffy, Joshua wants to leave. WHAT DID I DO?! WHAT DID I DO?! I CAN CHANGE.
No. No, I am strong. You all can leave. Just leave, I don't need you. I can do this on my own. I will stay here in Washington, DC. I will start anew on my own. I will build up a new family of friends, that is stronger and bigger than this one could ever be. What do I need you all for besides trust and humor and friendship and dinner and, and..
(Breaking down crying.)
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASE. PLEASE, don't go. Please, promise me, promise right now that you will never leave me. That we will be here together, forever. I can't do it. I can't stand the thought of one more person leaving this city... leaving me.
(Wiping the tears away)
So, that's my proposition. That you never leave me. Promise me.
Well, they are kind of just going to New York. It's not that far. And actually I think I may move soon. So, I don't know why I got so panicky. I must be getting my period. Sorry about ruining your sweater. I think that mascara will wash out. It never has come out of my towels, but maybe on your shirt it will. Sorry about that.
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Blogger Sacha said...

I'm not actually leaving.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

My parents and little sister got a dog to replace me when I left cincinnati to go to college. It was cuter than me, less contentious, and gave my dad the chance to flirt with the neighborhood trophy wives during walkies. However, I was able to maintain a sort of equal footing in the household thanks to my facility with the english language and the lack of a tendency to poop on the dining room floor.

A year later, I encountered rather direr straits. My family took in a Swedish exchange student, Petra. Not only was she cuter than me, she also had a firm grasp of both english and swedish. She stole my room, my car, and first place in my family's heart. So I broke hers, beginning my long -standing problem with contraband Swedes.

Anyhow, what I am suggesting is that you get your self a housebroken dog or a Swedish girl (to whom I am not to be introduced) and you'll be fine.

5:23 PM  

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