Friday, July 27, 2007

Mr. D's guestblog

Sometimes I try to describe dinner to other people there are several mistakes people make. I don't know really why I'm bothering at this point but let me clear things up.

I can't cook. Don't expect me to know how to make pasta without directions or eggs that can be described as "over easy" or "scrambled"or something fancy like that. Just "now I guess it's cooked" is good enough for me. I also don't want to learn to cook. My people don't cook.

I'm also not really all that interested in how food tastes. That probably explains a lot of the above.

Listen, I know calling your house an acronym for Year Of The OctoberRevolution is pretentious but is there anyway to name your house unpretentiously? It could have been worse; the house where I grew upwas named Strawberry Hill Farm; my mother spent a decade getting people to stop calling it that when she realized it was actually a trademarked flavor of a malt beverage favored by teenage girls.

The glimmer in our eyes that could be confused with the happiness about the weekend is one of the better things about Thursday night. I suppose it did make me less productive on Fridays but seriously, what does "productive" even mean? Plus, like 60% of my office "works from home" on Fridays. Don't worry, the spreadsheet will be done by thetime you actually check your email. Once you finish shopping or painting the ceiling in the downstairs bathroom or whatever the hell you people do "at home" on Fridays.

10 PM is not late dinner. I have breakfast at 10:30 in the morning and lunch at 3. My schedule works better. Please adopt it.

OK, maybe I kind of do like to clean. But when I clean up I really prefer that you don't help me and, indeed, leave the kitchen altogether during this process.

Maybe I'm in denial but I think hangovers are good. That which does not kill you… I'm like he-man at this point.

We'll try to keep doing it in New York. I rather like Justin's "if one spice is good surely four would be better" philosophy. The 2nd floor apartment with no balcony means less smoking, too, which is better for everyone.

I hope this clears up the questions you had about Thursday dinner.Thank you for coming to me with your concern.

Please let me know ifyou have any further questions.

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