Recrowned: Worst Girlfriend Ever

Yesterday I re-won my title of Ultimate Supreme Worst Girlfriend ever. The competition was close, but after forcing Boyfriend to spend his vacation days visiting my grandparents I had a slight lead.

And then I clinched the victory yesterday in a few short seconds.

Boyfriend doesn't get haircuts, he just shaves his head and then it grows out. Yesterday was a shave day, our one bedroom apartment was a buzz (pun so intended that it even more painful than a usual pun) with excitement.

My job is to simply come in at the end and clean up the back. I have done this before, and I have done this badly before. My first move this time was to take out a nice chunk about two inches above the hairline in the back. Whoops. And then spend the rest of the time telling him it's not that bad. But he can see my face in the mirror, it's not good.

And to top it off, I am writing about it on the internet. I AM THE WORST. THE WORST I TELL YOU.

New thing to be scared of

I just got a new fear yesterday.

It's that the airplane will go down while I am in the bathroom with my pants down.

Now I have to avoid going to the bathroom on planes. Ughles I make life hard.

Adulthood

Yesterday I did some laundry, and actually matched my socks. Is this what adulthood feels like?

Birthday

Momma Lu's birthday is coming up, and at this point it feels like there is only one gift she wants from me: a grandchild.

Thought Jots

Saw a blind woman today, she needed to touch up her dye job. Is it my place to tell her?

I am going to relax so hard on Saturday I may not stand up.

I am wearing headphones, no sound is emanating from them.

I had coffee this morning. Crazy-head-town-space.

AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU ARE WONDERFUL.

I am not just saying that, I mean it. Thank you for taking the time to read this right now. There is not enough time in the world to get everything done. I mean you probs have something much better to be doing right now. Just take a second and think of it.

Yet here you are, sitting at your computer reading this.

What a waste of time. I feel wasteful even typing this.

Yet here I am, continuing to type. And there you are continuing to read.

Is there a moment in there that you were thinking "She can't prove I am reading this."

I don't have to prove anything........

Where I am at right now

At this point in the day all I want to do is quote lines from Real Housewives of New Jersey with someone.

"Prostition whore!"

"Engaged 19 times!"

"Pay attention. Puh-lease."

"Let me tell you a-something about my family. We are as thick as thieves."

Give me a call if you wish to do the same thing.

Bone to pick

"I just threw up a little in my mouth."

Really genius? Do you usually throw up out of other places?

Cut the redundancy.

Morning time

Yesterday morning I took a long time getting ready because I had an attack of "I don't have anything to wear."

This morning I took a long time getting ready because I locked myself out on the balcony.... in my robe. Sweet Boyfriend had to come from work to let me back into the house.

I just wanted to talk to my plants a little and get some fresh morning air, terrible idea.

Also, there's a chance that I thought Michael Jackson's song, Man in the Mirror, was Man in the Middle.

Yup, I am that person who gets lyrics very wrong. But I that doesn't stop me from singing them proudly. And believe you me, I have quite the singing voice.