Friday, February 26, 2010

Karen Hammberry and Boyfriend Acquire Rockband, Neighbors Immediately Form Coalition

WASHINGTON, DC- "As soon as I saw the Rock Band boxes being brought into their apartment, I started going door to door getting a petition signed," said one neighbor to Karen Hammberry and Boyfriend, who has asked to remain nameless.  "I thought the guy who was going door to door was annoying, but then once they started playing I understood," said a neighbor from Apt 427.  He added "At first I couldn't figure out what was happening, I thought someone was doing construction or drilling, like inside my ear drums."

"I LOVE IT," Karen Hammberry is quoted as saying. Although, when we tried to interview her we only received a couple of mumurs, as she was entrenched in trying to score a 60% or better playing the drums. "It's not my strong suit."

"Oh you want to know what she thinks her strong suit is? Eye of the fucking Tiger," said the Anonymous petition starter. "She 'sings' that song at the top of her lungs, one horrible off tune screech after another." Hammberry has been heard to say "I rule at that song, I like become a tiger." But again, when reached for comment she couldn't tear her eyes off of Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran. She ended up failing out of the song.

Boyfriend's only comment, "At least those neighbors don't have to drive in a car with her while she sings. Think about being in an enclosed space with that voice." When asked if he likes the game, "Yeah, it's a great new piece of video gaming brought to a new level with graphics and the interaction..." (FULL DISCLOSURE: Our reporter fell asleep a little while Boyfriend was talking about video games, but we are sure it was super interesting.)

The neighbors hope to reach a resolution shortly, limiting the number of hours Hammberry can play the game, and some sort of volume control.
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And the battle continues....

The battle for funniest in the family continues as Little Brother drops the latest gaunlet with this piece:

NEW YORK- Cynics of the world rejoice over the news that Verizon Wireless will be adding an italics button for text messaging.  On Tuesday, Verizon CEO Ivan G. Seidenberg released the news saying “The new option comes after I  received several texts messages that were unclear, if they were sarcastic or not.”  He later used the word “outraged” describing how he felt after his son told him he was being sarcastic and he wasn’t the “coolest dad ever” after telling his son he couldn’t go on spring break with his friends.  The new ability will be located next to the space bar.  It will allow senders to clear up discrepancies that frequently arise after receiving ambiguous texts.  The phrases “Sure u did” and “Sure u did” have pretty different meanings.  This is one step in the right direction for texting.  People able to convey further emotion and tone while still being as impersonal as possible.  Who knows what will be next? Let me tell you bold.


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Friday, February 12, 2010

Holy What Balls!?!?!?

Whoa, bejesus.

This is a website full of videos of dogs singing along to the Law and Order theme song.

Best day ever?
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Movie Reviews of Movies Everyone Has Already Seen


All I can say is that you should not watch this movie on the first day of your period.  Because you will cry so much you will become dehydrated.
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Application to be my boyfriend

This is the application to my heart.

1. Do you love me?

2. Do you love me enough to make me popcorn, right now?

(We only make stove popcorn in this household, and Boyfriend passes this test daily. Yes, I eat popcorn daily.)
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Saturday, February 06, 2010


So, I just watched Beer Wars, which is this awesome documentary about beer in America.  And it's totes eye opening about what a monopoly the big three have on beer.  The big three being Miller, Coors, and of course Anheuser Busch (Budweiser).  Bud having a 50% hold on the market, meaning 1 out of every 2 beers bought is made by Bud.

And you find out through watching the doc, that Budweiser is just about as evil as companies get, and they keep buying up all the smaller companies because they threaten Bud's hold on the market.

(NOTE: I have zero idea why I care so much, but I feel totally impassioned against Bud all of a sudden.  Like I want to murder Bud's children. I haven't felt this passionate about something since I got drunk last night and I insisted Boyfriend didn't love me.)

Anywhoozle, here is a list of all the Bud products, I bolded ones that I think are extra shitty:

Bud Light
Budweiser Select
Bud Light Lime
Bud Light Golden Wheat
Budweiser American Ale
Select 55
Bud Dry
Bud Ice
Budweiser and Clamato Chelada
Bud Light & Clamato Chelada
Michelob Original Lager
Michelob Light
Michelob AmberBock
Michelob Bavarian Style Wheat
Michelob Dunkel Weisse
Michelob Honey Lager
Michelob Honey Wheat
Michelob Irish Red Ale
Michelob Marzen
Michelob Pale Ale
Michelob Porter
Michelob Rye P.A.
Shock Top Belgian White
Michelob ULTRA
Michelob ULTRA Amber
Michelob ULTRA Lime Cactus
Michelob ULTRA Pomegranate Raspberry
Michelob Golden Draft
Michelob Golden Draft Light
Beach Bum Blonde Ale
Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale
Hop Hound Amber Wheat
Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale
Busch Light
Busch Ice
Natural Light
Natural Ice
Beck's Dark
Beck's Oktoberfest
Becks's Premier Light
Kirin Ichiban
Kirin Light
Stella Artois
Rolling Rock
Rock Light
Rock Green Light
Wild Blue
ZiegenBock Amber
SkipJack Amber
Hurricane High Gravity
Hurricane Ice
Hurricane Malt Liquor
King Cobra
BACARDI Silver Mojito
BACARDI Silver Lemonade
BACARDI Silver Raz
BACARDI Silver Strawberry
TILT Orange
TILT Green
Widmer Brothers
O'Doul's Amber
Busch NA
Beck's NA
180 All-Natural Energy
Monster Energy
Icelandic Glacial

So, I don't know.  Don't buy Bud products.  I know they were bought by InBev, but still they are the WORST.
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Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Finally Home!

I am home!

Working at home after 10 days gone is wonderful.

But eating at home after 10 days gone is not.  Boyfriend goes a little feral when I am gone.  So, there is very little to eat here.

So I just made two veggie burger patties, and two fried eggs. I don't know why.  But I made it and ate it, and I barely remember any other details.

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