Monday, August 31, 2009

Movie Reviews of Movies that Everyone has Already Scene

Hot Fuzz: Funny! Scary!

It is a very funny farce of buddy cops movies, and I like British accents. Plus also the editting is super fun. But scary! And violent! And gross, like when that thing falls on that guys head and then he takes a few more steps.

Highlight: When it was funny.

Lowlight: I think they made a dig at Will Smith, not cool.

In Bruges: Kind of funny, kind of scary. A lot sad. Guns!

Fun accents! Serious stuff. A kid dies, and then a guy committs suicide, wha?!!?! But it is set in a very pretty town, which is a lot of the premise of the movie.

Highlight: Uh, I guess when they were looking at scenery, and the big guy really liked it.

Lowlight: When the big guy killed himself, but was still kind of alive splattered on the ground.

P.S. Did you notice the subject of the blog, am I cheeky or what!
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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Karen Hammberry and Boyfriend Adopt World's Fattest Cat

How does a cat get fat in the pound? You will have to ask Chunky!!!!! Our newest fambly member!

We picked her up from the pound on Saturday, where a young man, whose pants were hanging below his bottom, was yelling "Where my dog at? Do you know who I am?!?" Cute.

Boyfriend dropped me off with Chunkster in a box because he had to go return the zipped car. I barely make it up the two flights of stairs, close our front door, open the box, and she's gone. Apparently we have a hole in the baseboards of our kitchen. I was unfamiliar with said hole, Boyfriend had no knowledge, but Chunky the Cat seemed to know it was there all along.

She hid in there for about an hour, until OF COURSE, we lured her out with treats. And she has been out and investigating ever since.

So far the best part of having Cat is that Boyfriend and I are being really nice to each other to try to prove to Cat that we won't hit her.

"Hello Boyfriend, I love you so much." Cat stop running away from me!

"Here is that cup of water you asked for Karen Hammberry." Cat let me pet you!

"Boyfriend, the turkey dinner I made from scratch is done." CAT WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Ask Boyfriend

Looks as though Boyfriend is just as bored as you are this Friday afternoon.

From Josephine

Hi Boyfriend,

How long do you think it will be before there is a sex tape involving Miley Cyrus on the interweb tubes?

- two parter -

Will Billy Ray be featured as well?

Dear Josephine
Firstly, let me thank you for your submission. Its salacious nature is just the right amount of titillation to see a pitiable office drone through the last couple of seemingly interminable Friday hours. Secondly, I think the temporal aspect of your question is irrelevant. It matters not when such a recording is aired, much more important is the heightened level of depravity that it displays. Ms. Cyrus' shelf life must be akin to that of a punctured bladder of goat's milk mistakenly shelved in the Granola/Tofu/Nut Bar isle. That her career shall quickly leak away in a disgusting stream of putrescence contrasted against the current vogue has never been in doubt, but the thinly veiled attempt at recapturing her fame by releasing tape depicting her in an act of sexual congress must needs be on an order of magnitude more debauched than anything that has come before, if only to match the inimical awfulness of her "art" and thus propel her back to stardom. I believe that if you let your mind run amok for some moments in chewing over that last sentence you can find answer to your second inquiry. (Hint: Incestuous Scatological Finger Painting...)

Thank you,
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There are going to be some new changes around here!

1. ASK BOYFRIEND IS BACK (Okay, Boyfriend?)

It is the feature where you can ask Boyfriend ANYTHING, and he will give a fairly long-winded yet accurate response.

So go for it in the comments.

2. If things go well, we might get a new FAMBLY MEMBER, pictures will ensue.

3. Friday posts will be Glorious, I promise.

4. If you would like to have a guest post, or have an idea for a feature. Lemme know.

And for fun, here is a picture of Boyfriend when I took a chunk of hair out by accident (see post where I talk about it (see me to lazy to link)):

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Uh, perchance I am awkward

Interns at work always catch me doing weird shit.

Like one time I was watching the Laura Ling and Euna Lee video where they return to the United States, and I was sobbing. I want to say uncontrollably, but really it was one of those sobbings that I could have stopped, but I didn't want to.

But yesterday took the proverbial cake. I was snipping some stray leg hairs with scissors.

Something completely inappropriate to do at work, not to mention ineffectual.

Anywhoozle, uh, yep.
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Today when I got out of the shower I could hear my alarm clock going off.

And I slowed my pace, thinking, "You're getting what you deserve alarm clock. Continue your useless beeping, no one here likes you."
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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Neutrino Video Project

Here is a video explaining the DC Neutrino Video Project, which I am currently STARRING in, or being an ensemble player, it's all up to interpretation really.

DC's Neutrino Video Project Intro from WIT Films on Vimeo.
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Yesterday I did 7 loads of laundry.

I also made up a whole story about how I had been traveling for 6 weeks so if anyone in the laundry room looked at me weird I would explain that I haven't been home in 6 weeks and they don't have washing machines in the Arctic.

Oddly enough no one seemed interested in my laundry doings. Can you believe it?
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Saturday, August 22, 2009

um, oh hey

Oh, hey Saturday.

What's up?

Well, you know I just had a really rough week so I am really tired and stuff.

No! I did not go out drinking with Friday last night. Geez, to even accuse me of those things. Oh could you? How long have we known each other now?

Oh. You saw me? I came home at 3 am?



I am still going to do stuff today! I am! I swear. I just need to sit in front of the TV for a little while.

Shh be quiet, I like this commercial.
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Friday, August 21, 2009

Here it comes

So we meet again, Friday. Feels like we haven't seen each other in a while.

I know what you want. You want me to drink too much and stay up too late tonight.

Well, just so's you know, I am planning on going to the farmer's market tomorrow.

It closes at noon! That's right, I am going to get up before noon.

Why I am telling you this?! I am telling you this, so you can finally hear me. I am going to bed early tonight. I refuse to let you steal my whole weekend from me! That's why I am telling you!

For christ's sakes! I can't do both.

What do you care? As soon as Saturday takes over, you are out of there. You don't have to nurse a hangover or do laundry, that's the next day's problem.

Look, I am begging you. Please, puh-lease, let me out of this one tonight. We can catch up next week. Next week we can go balls to the walls.

I swear to god, if I am eating pizza on the streets at 3 am tonight, I am going to be pissed.

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

'Atta girl

Just saw a homeless woman carrying re-usable bags instead of plastic.

If she can make the change, surely so can you.

And she doesn't have a house, HOW GREEN IS THAT?!
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Now we are getting somewhere DC!

Yesterday, I saw an old woman laying out by the pool with high heels on. Meaning she was wearing her high heels while laying down. And she was like 70.

This is awesome.

New York has so many weirdos, and that's what makes it fun. But DC we are so serious and care about shit and wear business suits, and live here for 4 years and move.

Seeing a nice solid weirdo gives me hope that DC is finally getting somewhere as a city, not just a shell of a city for new administrations to occupy.
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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Wedding Registeries

So, I have this wedding coming up. And they have a registry. I KNOW they are typical, and everyone has one. They are the polite thing to do even, so people don't have to think about what to get you. But cooooooooooome on.

I love the couple to be wed, very much. I think they are great and smart and pretty.

But $150 for a crystal butter dish? Nopes. Never. Not going to happen.

I want to get them this spatula ($10) and engrave it and say "Boyfriend and Karen Hamenberry got you this for your motherfucking wedding." So they can never throw it out.

I keep looking for the joke, and I guess the joke is a crystal bird thing for $190. But that joke is on me.

And it really just may be me. I am not very mature, and I ruin things. I am currently folding my shirt oddly because I spilled Indian Buffet sauce all over it. I can't imagine having expensive things in my one-bedroom-apartment. And I certainly can't ask my friends to buy me that shit, because in my circle, I am put together.

Again, endless amount of love, and I guess respect for two people I adore. And who are announcing there coming into adulthood, with I kid you not, $225 ice bucket AND tongs.
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Monday, August 10, 2009

New Name!

Comcast remains one of those anomalies, nothing else that acts like them can stay in business, but since people are so hooked on True Blood and MTV Spring Break House Brother 19 they can continue to thrive.

Boyfriend and I decided to splurge and get home internet connection. I know, we are fucking criz-nazy.

I received the first bill today, but I guess it probs isn't actually for me:

Karen Hammberry.

Yup, that's right Hammberry. I lurve it.
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Wednesday, August 05, 2009


Finish this sentence:

To me, heaven is....

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Mythical Newsroom

As you may know I perform in the comedy quad sensation that is Mythical Newsroom with Honora Talbott, Aparna Nancherla, and Jenny Huftalen.

And look what Boyfriend made us!
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