Monday, July 31, 2006

yeah, that was good

i really think my latest blog entry was pretty fantastic. i mean i didn't even feel like blogging. and out it came through my dexterious little fingers, one fairly awesome blog. i tried to read it outloud to a friend of mine, but he wasn't really having it. which is whatevs. i know that blog was good, i mean it felt good writing it. awesome.

my new favorite sayings

"slammin' " and "kickin' " they both pretty much just mean awesome. but they are fun to say. i went to a party on saturday and said slammin' about 80 million times. but hey it was slammin' party, what did they want me to do?

so one could say my last blog entry was slammin' and they would be right.
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i must blog

i haven't been very bloggy lately, but dont worry. for the two of you who read this (i'm counting myself in that two) i am going to force myself to blog. why? no, its not because i care about you, other person, but because work is boring. here are some facts about work for you:

1. some bitch clogs the exact same toliet in the bathroom every day. you would think she would figure out that that toliet clogs and then stop using it, but no. i guess the third one in is her favorite.

2. i eat the same lunch everyday.

3. i cannot take the stairs upstairs, only down because the doors are locked. so, mean person in the elevator, when i only take it up one flight its because that's the only way to get around. seriously this women the other day made some snide remark to me. i told her what was up, and i had to be short because i only had a few seconds to let her know what a terrible person she was. heres how it went her: "blah blah second floor use elevators, who would do that? blah blah" me: "cunt."

4. i don't do much work at work.

5. yesterday i saw video of a catfish eat a bat. it was pretty messed up.

6. i want to leave early today.

7. i am up for a new position back upstairs in tv and its been about a week since i interviewed. i should hear soon.

8. if i get this new job i will still eat the same lunch as i eat right now.

9. there's no dress code so i look pretty horrible every single day. seriously everyday. the shirt i am wearing right now hasnt been washed in a while and i can smell the armpits.

10. my desk is in the hallway so everyone walks by it and can see my computer screen so #4 is pretty evident to everyone.

brava. you are such wonderful people, seriously. there is a light in you that is special and unique to you. don't every compromise who you are for anything. you will do amazing things with your life if you follow your heart. keep on the straight and narrow. live everyday to its fullest. throw back all the starfishes on the beach because it matters to that one. follow your own drummer. sing like no one is listening and remember don't let a frog kiss you and fool you into thinking he's a prince. if you shoot for the moon you will probably kill yourself because shooting straight into the air is dumb. i love you so much.
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

i work at national geographic, and this is our question of the day

Question of the Day Q: Who do I call for vending machine refunds? (07/18/2006)
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

sorry maslow media

This is an email I had to write today:

I found the old check that I lost a while ago after settling into my new home. And upon finding it I tore it up. However, when going to deposit my most recent check I found the lost one, which means I tore up my new check. In real life I am not an idiot, only when dealing with Maslow checks. So, I tore up my most recent check, if I could have it re-issued again that would be great. And I promise that I won't need any more checks re-issued.


I wonder if I make other people's lives more interesting. Or I am just a huge asshole placed on this earth to test people's patience. Actually there's a chance I was created my orthodontists because the amount of people who grind their jaw when having to deal with me is outrageously good for the teeth fixing business.

Some girl was crying at work today, and I asked her what was wrong and she of course said "nothing". And then I said "oh well it looks like you were just crying, you may want to fix that before people keep asking you what's wrong, it's really inconsiderate to the rest of us." she started crying again. fuck her.
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Monday, July 17, 2006

oh rory.

so i am friends with a bunch of rory gilmores on myspace as part of my wonderful infatuation with the gilmore girls. and this one keeps posting the bulletins and they are pretty amazing, really. some of them contain a threat that if i don't repost it i won't get fucked for a year. some of them are anti abortion messages. and some of them are about how much i don't appreciate my mother. here is an example of a bulletin from rory glmore:

Teal Skittle:Single, Looking For the right Someone,and Hating Being Single!
Yellow Skittle:Taken And About To Break Up
Sexy Skittle:Single
Red Skittle:Taken And Lovin every minute of it
Purple Skittle:Taken And Confused
Blue Skittle:Crushing On Someone Scared to tell them
Orange Skittle:Like someone who doesn't like you back
Green Skittle:Single and like someone, but confused as to whether they like you back or not
Peach Skittle:Like someone who likes you backbut not going out....yet
Pink Skittle:Just broke up with somone,but still have feelings for them and want them back really bad.
White Skittle:Was in an abusive relationship
Tasty Skittle:Single but you have a victim in mind and you kno you are going to get yours.

***BLACK SKITTLE:Im tired of these stupid bulletinsthat involve random multicolored objects,and if a man appears over my bed with a damn knifeill fucking shove skittles up his ass &make him taste the muther fucking rainbow

here's the one about not loving your mother enough:

When you were 15, she came home late fromwork,looking for a hug. You thanked her byhaving yourbedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how todrivehercar. You thanked her by taking it everychance youcould.
When you were 17, she was expecting animportant call. You thanked her by beingon thephone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your highschoolgraduation. You thanked her by stayingoutpartying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for yourcollegetuition, drove you to campus carried yourbags.You thanked her by saying good-byeoutside thedorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed infront ofyour friends.
When you were 25, she helped to pay foryourwedding, and she cried and told you howdeeplyshe loved you. You thanked her bymoving halfwayacross the country.
When you were 50, she fell ill andneeded you totake care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to theirchildren.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashingdown likethunder on YOUR HEART.

If you love your MOM, repost this bulletin saying ''im pissed''if you don't... then u obviosly don't care if your mom dies

this is some heavy shit that rory passes on to me. its really adorable.
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Thursday, July 13, 2006

jokes are hard

i had a show last night with emmy. and it felt like when you are holding somthing slippery and you are trying to get a good hold on it. sometimes you think you do, you think you have the audience with you, and then you make one too many jokes about whores and its all lost. that whole show was like trying to get a firm grip, i think some things went over ok. and overall i didn't hate it. but our other show was a lot more fun. but i guess it takes time. we do have a tireswing show at the DCAC in Adams Morgan Friday July 21st at 7:30. its gunna be hot shit.
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

travel mug

i purposely leave my travel mug at work because i dont want to carry it home. and i am pretty loose with the "my" part of it. its not mine its my friends. and they asked me if i had it and i said no. so now i can't bring it home or they will know i had it. life is hard.
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would you rather....

my cousin's little daughter, Lexi, plays a game of "would you rather" that is unparralled. she can come up with the most bizarre situations. like my options were to be seen in my bathing suit at the lake by 10,000 people OR not have hair just at the top of my head, but still have hair on the sides, like a friar tuck hair style, but for girls. incredible right? other options she gave throughout the weekend included putting salamanders up your nose, swimming in a pool of insects, kissing Jasmine from Aladdin, OR MY PERSONAL FAVORITE, having sour cream as hair. wow. comon. that is amazing. she is like 6 or something. how does a 6 year old come up with stuff like that? sour cream as hair?!?!?! that is sooooo ridiculous. i love it. just love it.

my cousin on the other side got a tattoo. and my gradma freaked out. love it. "i used to think he was so smart. so smart. but now he is just stupid."

i told my other grandma whos crazy grandma with alzheimers that her dinner was poisoned. she thought it was really funny. i did too. so i did it over and over throughout dinner. it never lost its magic. i can either be upset with her being so crazy, or i can have fun. she certainly has a good time. and then has a completely different good time seconds later.
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