Life without Cable (and why I am better than you)

I think I have written this blog once already.  But I just had another amazing bout of "I am better than you." That I felt like I needed to share.

I just tried to watch some of Real Housewives of New York. And I did not like that show, at all.

But I used to be able to watch it for marathons at a time.

It's fun that "marathon" a totes grueling activity is now used to describe blocks of America's Next Top Model on VH1, right?

"I've completed a marathon." 


"Me, too! I can't believe that Jeana left the franchise, I mean what is she going to do?  Actually sell real estate? Bitch, please."


"No, I meant I ran 26.something miles."


"Ohhhh, I switched back and forth from Bravo and VH1 for 9 hour straight while eating my weight in Tostitos and con queso dip. Sometimes I watched a little HGTV if it was an episode I had already seen."

I just realized there is a caveat to me being better than you.  And I am reluctant to admit this.  But what if you have cable, and you don't watch shitty horrible TV shows? Oh god, is that possible?  That you might actually have restraint enough to turn off the TV when you don't want to watch anything?

I still watch TV constantly without cable, but now it's just PBS and local news.  And then when Judge Judy comes on shit gets amazing for half an hour.

Oh no, I am still worse than you, aren't I?  It doesn't matter who has cable and who doesn't.  I still have the taste to be entertained by trash.

Okay, well fine.  I mean really worse case scenario here is that nothing changes in our relationship. You continue to read books and I will continue to try and watch tv while at work.

It's Friday Mother Fuckers

It is Friday.

I am hungggggover.  And I am drinking an iced coffee.  My guess is that I will have to move swiftly to the bathroom in a few minutes.  But it's all worth it.

Life, my dear friends, is always worth it.  Choosing to live is worth it.  We could all go home after this, and watch TV.  OR! We could get super fucking drunk with friends. Or I guess you could get drunk while watching TV, but that doesn't help my argument here about living, so can we all pretend that the TV-drinking option doesn't exist? Good.

Now, to my point about life and love and breathing and skipping and eating things with your hands and being happy. Yep. Nailed it. Wait, let me rephrase: There is no point.

I totes just tricked you into thinking that I actually had some comprehensible point about life.  But I got nothing.  I am just for realsies hung over.  But I think this is going well.

My eyes feel dry.

Movie Reviews of Movies Everyone has Already Seen

Another round of movie reviews of movies everyone in the entire world has seen but me.

Pineapple Express
Scary! Violent!  Pretty funny.
Overall: I liked it.
But: It felt like the character development didn't always make sense.  Was Seth Rogen's character dumb or not?
Notes: So very violent.

Julie and Julia
Dumb.  Hungry.
Overall: It made me want to eat baguette.
But: That's about the only thing the movie made me feel.
Notes: I liked Meryl Streep as Julia. But the Julie girl was annoying as fuck.  Do you really fall that much when you cook?  I don't.

yeah, I did it

You know that person who takes a couple bites of pizza and then puts in back in the box?

That's me.

I often take a few bites of donut at work, and put it back. I don't think twice about it.

That's what I do. And I am not ashamed.

Why do I do it?  Because that's all I want. I don't need a whole cookie, or sandwich, or whatever food item you are offering.  I just want a piece of it.

People will be all "Gross, who did this?  Who took two bits of this brownie and put it back?"  And I'll be all "Me. All I wanted was two bites, get over it."

And have I ever seen some food sitting out that has bites taken out, and eaten it anyways?

Of course.

It's perfectly good food, that someone only wanted a few bites of, totally understandable, and thankfully they left it for me to swoop in on.

It's called being socially conscience people, get on board.