Fire

Recently, I was up in THE NEW YORK CITY staying with Greggles, and his building caught on fire. Awesome, right? Doesn't sound so awesome, let me explain:

- Greggles building being a 7 story walk up, doesn't have smoke detectors. Greggles apartment filled with smoke, that indicated to us, that perhaps we should leave... awesome.

- I was wearing light-weight star and moon pajamas, it was February... awesome.

- No information was given to us about what was happening, besides a female cop screaming for everyone to keep moving away... awesome.

- Greggles and I were standing outside for probably about half an hour... awesome.

- Some drunk woman yelled at me because I was looking at her. Granted she was drunk and wearing a super short skirt, but I was in star and moon pajamas... awesome.

- With about five fire trucks and eight cop cars around, Greggles and I in our pajamas, a drunk group comes up and asks us if we know any good bars close by... awesome.

- It was the laundry mat downstairs that was on fire, so they used a chain saw to get throw the metal bars... truly awesome.

- Being the only non-Asians in Greggles's building... awesome.

Anyways, if anyone needs tips on how to look cool while your building is burning down please let me know.

David Angelo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David Angelo is hilarious. And I know him, personally. He made me cry once really hard. But that was like five years ago, so I am totally over it. (I hadn't cried that hard since my guinea pig died, he was so mean). But the past is the past (kind of), so here is David Angelo being hilarious:


And legit, he's a wonderful.

I think I look better with red wine stains on my lips. It's like inner lip liner.

Love Day!

Happy love day, sweethearts!

There is so much fucking candy in the office, which is awesome because I forgot my wallet, and all I have is a grapefruit.

I had a cupcake and gummy candies for breakfast along with diesel fuel coffee. YAY! My body is in full mutiny mode. It's amazing. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My head is aching, my stomach is about to upchuck, my fingers are sticky, and my whole body has a nice sugar high pain to it! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, happy v-day! I hope you all lose your collective viriginities!

Elevator

Wouldn't it be absurdly hilarious if elevators went in the order the buttons were pushed instead of in numerical order of floor? So, if the guy on the 9th floor was super fast at pushing buttons it would go up to the ninth floor first. And then back down to the third, or whatever. It would take forever!

God, could you imagine in those huge office buildings in New York. It would be amazing. It would be so competitive and crazy. All those people rushing into an elevator and pushing buttons. My pupils are dialating just thinking about it. And what if you had to get to a meeting? People would be boxing out to get in the elevator. Amazing! Amazing, I tell you.

It would add such a fantastic twist to boring stupid office life.

Ok, peace out homie.

Bad Ideas

- Rollerblading with a knife

- Eating a live snake mouth first

- Drawing on your face with permanent marker

- Passing out with a pizza in the oven

- Throwing up on your clothes in public

- Trying to cut your own hair with dull scissors

- Trying to cut Boyfriend's hair, and then accidently slicing his sideburn off with part of his face

- Scheduling meetings during lunch time

- Lying (and then getting caught)

- Saying you will do something, and then not doing it because you are lazy

- Getting sick

- Painting a wall without putting a sheet on the floor so the paint doesn't get all over

- Accepting a dare to touch poo

- Thinking that polar bears are cute and innocent (they are actually vicious killers)

- Talking to the boss you hate while drunk

- Stalking someone

- Saying "I hate you" to your mom (she will feel super bad, and you don't reeeeaaally hate her)

- Not blogging for months.