A One Act Play

Goods in Exchange for Bathroom

"Hello, I would like to purchase a small coffee, and also may I please have the bathroom key?"

"$8 for a tall coffee of the day, um, alright."
(i overdraw my checking account, as my bladder almost bursts)

"Oh, and there's someone in the bathroom?"
(pee is moving up my large intestine)

"Well, I guess I'll wait."
(i stand outside bathroom with hot coffee i do not want, pee is creeping up into my lungs)

"They've been in there a while, and you don't know what they are doing.... Super"
(i leave)

!!!

Something good has happened! More to come....

Those little thumb machines

There should be a special lane on the sidewalk for those people who need to check their email constantly. Because I am sure the emails they type out with their thumbs while walking down the street is their best work. And I am sure whatever they are typing is totally worth making everyone behind slow down. And it absolutely worth almost getting hit by a car, and then looking up and seeing it isn't their turn to walk, and then being annoyed at the cars around them.

Keep it up! Without you people the world of work would just stop down. Or maybe the rest of us wouldn't get to the office with incoherent emails sitting in our inboxes, and then we wouldn't have to hunt you down and ask for clarification which takes more time then you saved my typing it out on the metro.

(i am so super negative)

Super New Job Update

I just spilled water on my work computer, and now it doesn't work.  Awesome.  And by work computer, I mean my new boss's wife's computer that I was using temporarily. Super awesome.

New Job Update #5

We are going to eat Thai food today.  I am going to get something really really spicy.

New Job Update #4

I think I am going to need some more post-it notes.

New Job Update #3

So I told the Emmy story about how she crushes up her Lactate pills on top of her ice cream like sprinkles.  They were nonplussed....

New Job Update #2

Half of my emails for my new job just say "TEST"

New Job Update

I made fucking horrible coffee...

Best thing about new job so far

The best thing about my new job so far: I now take the metro which at least doubles my chance of getting a Missed Connection of craiglist.com.

My thoughts on a plane

This will either make me stronger, or dead.

My Heart

Last day.

I hide this blog from people I work with because I would probably get fired if they read it, but I am really going to miss this job. A lot. It feels weird and emotional. Feelings. I am feeling feelings. And I am not sure how I feel about these feelings.

I think sad.

Anyways, please don't don't try and contact me at the old job that I have never named on here because I would most likely be fired.

Ok. New job. Monday. I'll keep you posted.

Appropriate?

My last day at this job is Thursday. What is appropriate for me to take?

The forty or so mechanical pencils I ordered? The 24 pack of fine point sharpies? Because to be honest, neither of those have any application to my job. So the new person won't need them.

What about the office plants that other people neglected? Can I take those? The scissors? We don't have any nearly so nice at the house. My calendar? It's got all my planned vacations on it. The dish of candy the woman next to me leaves out? Is it really stealing if it's free?

Is it really stealing if I specifically ordered them for Staples for my own personal use?

Where is the line? WHERE??!?!?!

Also, I have been leaving labels with my name on them all over the office. I think they are really going to miss me.